


Our Unfinished Tale

by KassandraScarlett



Series: Female Tony Stark Works [9]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: AU, Bruce Is a Good Bro, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-07-24 00:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16169567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: A new life. A new universe. The Norns are just enjoying the show.OrLoki, long before he finds out about his parentage, meets Antonia, also long before she's captured fur three months, and is deeply enamored by her. But circumstances and lies tear them apart again and again and again.





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> _Life is but a stopping place,_  
>  A pause in what's to be.  
> A resting place along the road  
> To sweet eternity.

 

 

 

  Three wizened ladies were huddled around a cauldron, peering intently into its contents. Ragnarök had just taken place and the multiverse had been destroyed. There was nothing left, the Nine Realms were gone and so was everything else. It was time to plant Yggdrasil anew.

  As was their self-made game, the Norns meticulously planned out the course of the new life: what to change, what to add, what to eradicate. They wanted this cycle to last a bit longer.

  The liquid inside the cauldron was black, but it shimmered with memories of past lives; sights and sounds as clear as when it had taken place. _("I have to put her in the ice." "Just give me your coordinates, first. We'll find you.")_

  For all their power, they couldn't interfere with free will, so a person's character was entirely his or her own. That was what made it fun for them. _("Tom, NO!" "Oh, stop fretting, Chris! It's only a small prank.")_

  Sometimes, they tweaked personal histories. _("I am James, of Asgard, and I have come with a warning. The Mad Titan approaches.")_

 Or sometimes, just mixed up genders. _("Mr Stark? My name is Dr Stephanie Strange. I need you to come with me.")_

  What was even more intriguing was how every iteration of the multiverse was different from the other. Each event panned out differently. _("Pepper, we found a body. I'm... I'm sorry, Pep." Are... Are you... How are you sure? Rhodey, are you sure?" "It's him, Pepper. He's dead. Killian shot him after he stabilized the equation.")_

  People even fell in love differently. There was no such thing as soulmates, really. It all just depended on how they shaped their own lives, what paths they took, what they were looking for in each life. _("Nat, I can't- I can't breathe- I'm- oh, God, Natasha, I can't-" "Clint, don't you dare close your eyes, please, I can't lose you, come on.")_

  They all had their preferences, of course. But they all agreed on their favourite. Two particular souls, one of which was always, always, favoured by Death herself, regardless of what form it took. It was a bright one, a lovely gold as it always was in the beginning, before, like all other souls, it would collect more colours as it grew and join with the colours of the soul it bonded with.

  "Place it with the mortals," Past suggested and Present complied. The soul joined the mortals. The white soul, the two red souls, the one in deep blue; they went there as well. Their other favourite, a green one, joined the giants, while another gold went to the gods.

  Finally, it was ready. Future clapped her hands and six figures shimmered to existence. There was an elegant white-haired woman dressed in amber robes; a middle-aged man with hair as golden as his clothes; two dark-haired twins: the boy in green and the girl in violet; a youthful blond in blue; and a child with hair as red as her dress.

  "It's time," the Norns whispered in unison. The six figures disappeared again and the three sisters settled down to watch Yggdrasil grow.


	2. First Sight; First Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I didn't choose you- I just took one look at you and knew there was no turning back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toni is _slightly_ younger than canon in this. She was 13 years old in 1991 when her parents died. She took over SI in 1999 when she was 21. She's 29 right now in 2007. The events of IM take place in 2008 when she's 30.

  The sound of blade against blade rang through the empty hall as the two men sparred ferociously, their breaths ragged, perspiration gleaming on their bare arms and backs. Fighting with knives required a high amount of skill and dexterity and, all though both were obviously trained, there was no doubt which one of them had the clear upper hand. After another minute, the muscular blond was flat on his back, his weapon a few feet away from his hand.

  "Anything to say, Thor?" The one standing laughed, panting slightly. He wasn't as tall as his sibling, his features sharper, his musculature less obvious.

  "Alright, I yield," Thor grumbled. "You are more proficient with the blades than I am."

  The younger brother grinned and helped his brother up, eyes twinkling with mirth. "Another round?"

  "Do shut up, Loki, or I'll place Mjolnir on you," Thor threatened with a smile.

  Loki rolled his eyes. "As if. You'd have to catch me first."

  Placing the knives in the weaponry, they quickly pulled on their clothes. Thor watched Loki with a frown. There was still some lingering sadness around the corners of his eyes, though much of it had disappeared over the years.

  "You're still thinking about her," he observed. The name of the Enchantress had been forbidden by the mage himself. But Loki knew who he was talking about; the corners of his eyes tightened minutely.

  "I need a distraction," he murmured, then gave a sharp smile, fake as colored glass. "Perhaps a woman's touch."

  "Or her companionship," Thor pointed out. He knew Loki meant no disrespect. God of Mischief or not, he had never treated any lady with anything less than the utmost care and reverence. But that didn't mean Thor approved of his regime of forgetting his banished lover by laying with whomever captured his short-lived interest.

  "No, no, momentary relief is all I need," Loki brushed it off.

  Thor sighed. "Where will you go?" He asked. "Another realm? Or Xandar, perhaps?"

  Loki seemed to consider his options for a moment. "It's been decades since I've visited Midgard," he mused. "The last time I'd gone had been..." He trailed off, and Thor knew he was recalling the many times he had visited the mortals with his lover, as it had been one of her favourite realms. Loki shook himself. "Yes, Midgard, it is. I'd like to see how far they've advanced in the last fifty six years."

  "Would you like me to accompany you?"

  "No, that's quite alright."

 

* * *

 

  The first thing he did when he got to Midgard, in some place called Positano, Italy, was choose a new name. Thomas Williamson was obviously long dead. Liam Olson would do nicely for now.

  Second, he hid himself from sight and quietly observed everyone's clothing. It was both a marvel and a nuisance that Midgardian customs changed so often. Once he felt he was sufficiently dressed for a casual outing, he headed over in the general direction where he could hear loud music and people dancing and shouting; sounds similar to that of a tavern that Thor, Lady Sif and the Warriors Three went to. If this building was similar to that, what humans called ' _club_ ', he would find what he needed for the night.

  Preferring to walk there, it took him a few minutes to reach the place. Once inside, he was quick to take a seat at the high table where the drinks were served. Well, at least those had remained mostly the same. Ordering the first thing he could see, he turned to the throng of people and simply watched. And waited.

  He could feel curious eyes gazing at him in interest. The two men standing side-by-side near the source of the music, both short but stockily built. The young woman in the black dress just two feet away from him with a drink in her hand. The tall man with salt and pepper hair on her other side. The elderly redhead with a small rectangular device in her hand. If he stayed still long enough, one of them would approach him. He'd place his bets on the redhead.

  Before he could get comfortable in his seat, there was a flurry of movement. Someone grabbed his hand and, before he could react, he was being pulled away to the middle of the crowd, his glass left on the table top.

  " _Dai, per favore, suona. Hi solo bisogno che tu balli con me_ ," a female voice hissed and he found himself obeying the strict tone, Allspeak allowing him to understand her words. This was a person accustomed to giving orders and having them followed.

  It took him a second to realize that the person was a rather young woman, maybe in her twenties, who right now had her arms wound around his neck and was swaying on the spot.

  "I'm sorry, I don't-" Loki started only to be interrupted by her.

  "Oh, you're English. I thought you were a local on holiday. Sorry."

  Loki blinked. The woman was talking rapidly, her voice indulging and sweet, but she was obviously distracted. Her eyes, reflecting the green and red lights of the club so he couldn't tell what colour they actually were, darted around like they were looking for someone.

  "Are you waiting for someone?" Loki asked curiously.

  "You could say that," she muttered. "My best friend is looking for me and I don't want him to find me."

  Ah, she'd done some mischief with her friend that had likely incurred his temporary wrath. "What did you do?" He wondered.

  "Nothing... Much." She shrugged. "I just called his mom and told her he was stealing my sandwiches. She chewed him out for an hour straight- because she loves me more- about how he should be making sure I was getting enough to eat instead of taking my food, because I don't eat enough. So now Rhodey wants me to call her again and confess."

  Loki allowed himself a chuckle. "So I am to be the distraction if he comes looking for you, yes?"

  She grinned up at him, needing to tilt her head back for it. "Yep," she replied. "D'you mind?"

  "Not at all," he assured her. He looked over her shoulder. "There's a man who just entered," he said. "Dark skinned, tall, well built, perhaps a couple years older than yourself?"

  "Shit, that's him," she said, turning back to shoot a quick glance in that direction.

  "Well, he seems to have caught sight of you," he informed her. "It looks like he's going to come here."

  "Kiss me!"

  The words had him looking down at the mortal in astonishment. "Pardon?"

  "Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable," she told him.

  "Well, yes, of course-"

  Cold lips met his and he stopped speaking. She kissed him hard, obviously trying to keep her friend from approaching them. And Loki kissed back. Something about the taste of her was... _Exquisite_ and it sent a shiver down his spine that felt oddly familiar. And it kept him chasing after her when she pulled away after almost a minute.

  He caught himself just in time.

  Luckily, she didn't seem to have noticed his pause as she surveyed the club. "Okay, looks like he's gone. I'm safe till tomorrow morning, at best." She looked up at him with a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry, I don't usually kiss random people. But desperate times call for desperate measures. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't go to the press with this story. My PA would actually murder me."

  Loki blinked. "Why would I announce it to the press?"

  She shrugged. "People do that. You'd think they have some common decency, but nope."

  "Well, I won't," Loki promised. "May I have your name?"

  The woman looked taken aback. "You don't-?" She cut herself off. "My name's Evelyn."

  She was lying. But he let it slide. "I'm Liam."

  She peered at him. "Uh-hunh." She stepped away and Loki realized he'd unconsciously held on to her waist. "Well, I need to get going. Thanks for your help. I'll tell the bartender to put all your drinks for the rest of the night on my tab."

  She gave a little wave and, as she turned to leave, Loki realized why the kiss had felt so familiar. "Wait!" She turned back to look at him questioningly. Thinking fast, he said, "I'm not actually very sure of the way to the place I'm staying. If you could maybe guide me till there..."

  She raised one skeptical eyebrow. " _Suuuure_ ," she dragged out the word. "Where are you staying?" He gave her the name of the hotel he'd taken temporary lodging in and her other eyebrow joined the first. "Lucky for you, I'm staying there as well. It's only ten minutes by foot. Come on."

  Loki followed her out without a second thought. She kept a hand around his elbow, presumably so she didn't lose him in the crowd, but she let go once they were out in the night air.

  "So, what do you do, Liam?"

  Loki internally sighed in relief. He had responses ready for generic questions like this, even though he hardly ever had a use for them. You could never be too prepared. "Family business in Norwegia. That's where I'm from."

  Evelyn looked at him askance. "Wouldn't have guessed it from your accent. It's high-class London." She adopted an arrogant strut. "I'm Liam, from Norwegia," she mimicked, imitating his accent to perfection. "I have a family business there."

  Loki felt stuck between a laugh and a scowl. "I do _not_  walk like that," he protested.

  She laughed. "Yes, you do, like you're royalty. I should know, I do the same when I'm at work."

  Loki decided not to respond. She was actually correct. Being raised in a palace meant he had much more formal mannerisms than most. "So what do you do then?"

  She shrugged. "Same, family business."

  "Like royalty?" He shot back.

  "The American version of it, sure," she laughed. "So what's your real name?"

  Loki blinked. "Pardon?"

  "Your real name?" Evelyn glanced at him from under her lashes. "No need to look surprised; I'm just freakishly good at catching liars."

  "Because you're one too?" Was out before Loki could stop it.

  Oddly, she smirked. "Exactly. And you lied about not knowing the way to your hotel, too, didn't you?"

  Loki nodded as they reached the hotel and stepped into the metal contraption _(elevator?)_ to go up. "Well, what's wrong with wanting to spend more time with a beautiful woman?" He gave her a charming smile.

  Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Very smooth," she commented dryly. "But you're not getting any tonight, not from me. I bet that I could go six months without sex and there are only two weeks to go."

  Loki laughed. "Fair enough. Some other time perhaps."

  She smiled. "For the record, I didn't actually lie. My name is Toni, but Evelyn is my middle name."

  Loki hesitated, but instinct told him to return the favour. "My name is Loki."

 

* * *

 

  Astral visits were a handy trick when it was too bothersome to make the actual trip. Loki focused on Heimdall until the man noticed the energy spikes.

  "Welcome back, my prince," he greeted.

  "Thank you, Heimdall. I need you to tell me a few things about someone." Loki paused, trying to word it right. "I met someone on Midgard. A woman. She... Well, we shared a kiss... Nothing more." Alright, telling the Gatekeeper about a woman was even more embarrassing than he'd thought. He hoped he wouldn't have to face his mother any time soon. "But, the thing is, I could taste seidr on her."

  Heimdall's eyes widened, which in itself was something that didn't happen often. "Seidr? On a mortal? What kind?"

  Loki thought about it for a second. "Subtle. But different from mine. Different from the Allmother's as well. And yours. It was... Darker. Older."

  Heimdall's eyes glowed with power as he turned to the starry skies, searching for the mortal he spoke of. "I see her," he murmured. "Antonia Stark. She's a person of great power among her people. She's the most talented weapons monger they have. She..." He faltered. "She's called the Merchant of Death, by her fellow Midgardians."

  Loki frowned. "But that can't mean anything. Death has never bestowed such a title upon anyone."

  "Perhaps, it is nothing," he agreed. "Nor can I find any traces of seidr on her. Nevertheless," he continued. "I shall keep a watch on her. I take it, you're going to do the same?"

  Loki nodded and returned to his prime form in the hotel. He was already intrigued by the woman. What was the harm in befriending her?

 

* * *

 

  "Well, I don't care, Pepper. Tell Obie the prototype will be ready next month, but not before then!"

  Loki watched discreetly over his plate of breakfast as Toni spoke firmly to someone on the phone. Across from her, her best friend, the one who'd been searching for her at the club last night, was watching her with a frown.

  "Oh for _fuck's_ sake!" She growled as she slammed the phone down. "One day, I'm going to murder that man."

  Her friend patted her shoulder consolingly as she stabbed at her food with a fork. The scowl in her face fell away when she looked up and saw him. Loki simply raised a hand on greeting, to which she rolled her eyes. Saying a few quick words to her friend, she got up and joined him instead.

  "Do you realize," she began, leaning back into her seat comfortably. "That your parents named you after the Norse god of mischief?"

  Loki's mind blanked for a few seconds. He'd forgotten that some obscure culture on Midgard worshipped the Asgardian as gods. "Yes, in fact, I am aware of that. And rest assured I have used it to my benefit many times," he assured her.

  Toni nodded solemnly. "I thought you might have."

  "And do you realize that you are one of the most powerful people on the planet?" He shot back.

  "Ah, so you did recognise me." Toni grinned.

  "Not until I went back to my room," Loki confessed, which was technically not true, because Heimdall had been the one to tell him.

  "Well, we're even now," Toni reasoned. "I lied to you, you lied to me, we both found out the truth. We good?"

  He ignored the trickle of guilt down his throat as he nodded with a smile.

  "Great!" She clapped her hands together once. "Rhodey's gotta go back to New York. You have somewhere to be, or do you mind accompanying me for the rest of the weekend?"

  "Er- we don't know each other?" He tried with a frown.

  Toni gave him look that made him feel slightly self-conscious. "We're both grown adults. You don't seem to be a crazy axe-murderer. Anything less than that, I can handle. And I like talking to you so far. So unless you want to spend time alone, or you're waiting for someone-"

  "Alright, alright, we'll stay the weekend together," Loki laughed.


	3. Falling Into Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The hardest thing is not talking to someone you used to talk to everyday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotes:
> 
> _"For centuries, I've closed myself off to feeling anything for anyone, man or woman. You've unlocked something in me."_ \- Magnus Bane; (Shadowhunters).
> 
> _"Can you not tell your boss I came here?" "Sure." "You've already told him, haven't you?" "Yeah."_ -John Watson and Anthea; (Sherlock).

  "So, any chance you'll be in Malibu, sometime?"

  Loki smiled down at Toni, who was looking up at him thoughtfully. "Is that where you live?" When she nodded, he pretended to think about it. "Well, _perhaps_ I can hide away from my business related duties now and again."

  Both of them ignored the hustle-bustle of the airport around them. It was apparently a private one, owned by Toni herself. "Well, you'll be able to find me easily," Toni laughed. "Just look for the biggest building with my name on it."

  Loki rolled his eyes and let go of Toni's hand, which he hadn't even noticed he'd kept a hold on. A bit discomfiting, how comfortable he was around her after only two days. "Ever the modest one," he commented dryly.

  "Who? Me?" She joked, then took a step back. "See you when I see you, Bambi."

  He raised a hand in goodbye and watched as she boarded the plane, before turning away from the sight.

 

* * *

 

  "LOKI!"

  Loki started, jumping slightly in his place. Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three were all staring at him, some confused, some amused.

  "What, now?" He demanded, trying to play off his distraction. "Can't you see I'm trying to meditate?"

  "On what?" Sif tested with a grin. "The woman you haven't stopped thinking about?"

  Loki glared at Thor immediately, who had the decency to look guilty.

  "I don't see how that's your concern," he replied and Sif's smile grew, like she'd won. Loki rolled his eyes, with grudging respect, knowing his rebuttal had only solidified her suggestion. "You're all scoundrels," he muttered, leaving the room with his mind made up.

  Heimdall, to his mortification, didn't look surprised. "She's in some council," he informed him. "It's been three months by Midgardian time since your last visit."

  Loki nodded in thanks.

 

* * *

 

  Friendship and love were both odd things. Neither worked without the other. And ending one was to break the other.

  Loki had once vowed to himself that he would never again give his heart easily to anyone. Amora's betrayal had stung deep, her promises had been empty and her sweet words of love had been nothing but a ploy to get past the wards guarding the palace vaults.

  Love, in the end, had fooled even the Trickster God.

  For so long, he'd closed himself off to feeling anything for anyone, man or woman. But... Antonia Stark had unlocked something in him.

  It scared him, if he was being honest, that in six months, during which he'd travelled to Midgard more than sixty times for the sole purpose of meeting her, he was this close to being smitten.

  At first, he tried to tell himself it was just attraction. Toni was a beautiful woman, especially for a mortal. But then he was at a loss to explain why he felt reluctant to take her to bed, and then leave. Yes, he valued her friendship.

  But friendship did not entail the crushing guilt he felt everytime he lied to her, or the peace he found whenever she greeted him with a smile.

  Father had spoken to him. He'd warned him first, gently reminding him of his past romance, before smiling jovially and wishing him luck. Thor was ever supportive, if somewhat smug. Mother had expressed a wish to meet her, a prospect that _horrified_ Loki. He had a feeling his mother would get along a little too well with Toni.

  And yet, Loki could not quite bring himself to admit that he was falling for her; her vivacious personality, her fierce love for her creations, her obvious joy in her talents.

  He might still have been able to resist if it wasn't so obvious that she returned his interest. He could see it in the keenness of her gaze when he talked about himself, the fondness when he communicated with her artificial soul, JARVIS, the desire when they accidentally got too close, mixed with too many genuine feelings to be simply lust.

  He was, to use Toni's atrocious slang, well and truly _fucked_.

 

* * *

 

  There was a hint of strain in Toni's smile when she spotted him in the crowd. He had just entered the door and had seen her immediately, her silver dress shimmering in the lights as she chatted with prospective business partners. Loki had been quick to summon a glamour fit for formal occasions like this before making his way to her. No one noticed.

  "Enjoying yourself?" He bent to murmur in her ear as she excused herself from the conversation.

  Was it his imagination, or did she shiver?

  "More or less, leaning towards less," she answered, taking a sip of her champagne. "How did you get in? I'm pretty sure I didn't see your name in the invitation."

  "Your friend, Happy, saw me and let me in," Loki lied. "Care to dance?"

  They stepped onto the dance floor, Loki very aware of the curious glances and jealous glares he was receiving. Toni swayed in his arms expertly, but her eyes were still a little distant.

  "What's wrong?" He couldn't help but ask.

  "When are you leaving again?" She asked instead.

  "After the party. I just came to see you once."

  Toni hummed, but didn't say anything more and Loki dreaded whatever was going on in her head.

  They didn't dance for too long. Pepper gave Toni a list of people she needed to talk to you and Loki accompanied her around the room, occasionally whispering comments about every guest. The tactic worked; after a while, the initial wariness faded and she was passing comments of her own, judging and critiquing everyone in the room, laughing as she did so.

  By the time, the party came to an end, Toni was in high spirits and Loki basked in her glow, even agreeing to go with her to her house for a late night drink, before letting Happy drive him to the airport.

  "I mean, really, you'd think, they would have learned by now not to try and fuck with me," Toni complained, walking straight into the kitchen, without bothering to get changed or remove her makeup. "Coffee? Tea? Alcohol?"

  "Coffee," Loki decided, following her example and simply hopping up to sit on the countertop.

  Toni started brewing the coffee. "I must have ruined their companies and public images more than a dozen times each," she continued. "But they never seem to learn! Just because, I'm a woman in a man's world."

  Loki voiced his agreement, thinking of Sif and how much she would be able to relate to this.

  "I hate that scarf."

  Loki started. Toni was gazing at him with a contemplative frown. He took another second to appreciate the way her brow was scrunched up in thought _(one of his favourite looks on her)_ before going, "I'm sorry, what?"

  "That scarf," Toni repeated, walking forward to unwrap the green cloth. "I was going to tell you before, but it slipped my mind. I don't like it."

  "What's wrong with it?" Loki wondered.

  "I don't know, I don't like scarves in general," she answered, throwing it around her own neck.

  Loki rolled his eyes. "Well, I'll be sure to ask you what I should wear next time," he deadpanned and, in a moment of childishness, yanked on the ends of the scarf.

  That was a mistake.

  Not having expected it, Toni stumbled forward, catching herself on his thighs, their faces inches away from each other, his hands still holding the scarf. Both of them froze. Toni's breath wafted over his lips and he swallowed, watching the way Toni's eyes darkened further as she tracked the movement. His own hands itched to pull her even closer. It was pure fear of betrayal and self-preservation holding him back.

  Toni moved first. Excruciatingly slow, she pressed her lips to his in a small peck, then pulled back an inch to guage his reaction. He was still on the countertop and she in her heels, so they were at the same height, making it easy for her. He knew his eyes were wide open and his pupils blown. It obviously encouraged her, because she repeated the act, lingering longer this time. On the third time, Loki chased after her lips when she moved back, chased what he'd tasted that first night in the club.

  Like she'd been waiting for him to kiss back, her hands flew up to dig into his hair, while Loki kept his curved around the delicate arch of her neck, the other gripping her waist.

  "Stay the night," Toni gasped the words into his mouth.

  "Leave- plane-" Loki mumbled brokenly.

  "Book you a new flight in the morning," Toni promised. She was bracketed between his legs now. "Just stay. _Please_."

  He must have said something in affirment, because she kissed him harder, turning it heated and dirty. The coldness of her lips was just as pronounced, as was the sweet taste of seidr and he relished it, making her moan as he bit into her plump lips. Heart pounding, suddenly not caring that he might just get it broken again, the usually unflappable god stood up and, without bothering to break the kiss, lifted Toni in his arms, to which she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, before making his way to her bedroom with ease, following her mumbled directions.

  They fell into bed just as gracefully and Toni started removing his suit and blazer. He let her, doing the same to her dress, except he took his sweet time undoing the complicated knots, smirking at her frustrated pleas to "Work _faster_!"

  A small, sensible part of him knew he needed to leave as soon as he could, that he could never again return to this haven. The thought sent pain through every inch of his being, even his magic reacting negatively- if he needed any more confirmation that he was in love, he had it; his own seidr had accepted her much early on.

  But he pushed it all away. He wanted to concentrate. If this was the only time he could have Toni, completely and utterly his, then he was damn well going to make the most of it.

 

* * *

 

  It felt _terrible_. It had been two months since he'd visited Midgard and he still couldn't get the realm out of his mind. Or, more specifically, Toni.

  And that was literal. He was barely two steps away from creating an illusion of her, if only to soothe his eyes.

  "Thinking of her again?"

  Loki started. Turning, he saw his mother join him on the terrace, placing her hands on the gilded railing as she looked out at the city gardens.

  "Who?"

  Frigga gave him a very unimpressed look and Loki smiled. "Alright, yes, I am." His smile faded and he sighed. "I haven't stopped thinking of her. There is no ' _again_ '."

  "What's she like?"

  Loki waved his hand, creating an image from his memory. In it, Toni was reading over some sort of paperwork for a conference, but her hands were waving about as she tried to explain the schematics of her new missile. Her hair had been left loose for once that day and Loki remembered how he'd nearly reached out to brush out away from her eyes as she worked.

  "She's rarely quiet," Loki murmured. "Never still, always in motion, unless she's sleeping, which is just as infrequent. She's ferociously intelligent, with a sharp wit to match. Cares about everyone around her, to the point where she would be willing to go to hell for them. Her friends would die for her, the people who work for her love her, children look up to her. She's...." He frowned, lifting a shoulder helplessly. "It's hard to describe her."

  "You're doing a fairly good job of it. In fact," Frigga's smile was knowing. "You sound like you're in love."

  "I am," Loki answered truthfully. "But she doesn't know who I am. I don't want to lie to her. I don't know if she'll be able to accept the distance, my responsibilities, the differences between us."

  "Well, for a start, you could stop lying to her," she suggested. "Then see what happens next. If she's half the person you see her as, she'll meet you halfway and work through everything with you."

  Loki looked at his mother, his teacher, in disbelief. "And what if she's like Amora? What if she betrays my trust?"

  "Then, she was never worthy of your love," Frigga answered simply. "But you'll never truly know until you take the risk. She might betray you, but, my son, what if she loves you instead?"

 

* * *

 

  Loki was rarely nervous. He knew his own skills and shortcomings, he knew how to guage his enemies' talents and act accordingly.

  But right now, signing in at the front gate of Toni's mansion, waiting for JARVIS to let him in, he felt shivery and nauseous. "Where is she, JARVIS?" He asked, when he was inside and couldn't see anyone around.

  " _Gym_." The answer was short and clipped, making Loki wince. The AI was obviously not very happy with him.

  "Can you please _not_  tell her I'm here yet?" He asked.

  " _Of course_."

  "You've already told her, haven't you?"

  " _Indeed_."

  Loki sighed and made his way to the gym. Toni was, unsurprisingly, having her way with the punching bag, her hits hard and precise, with the ferocious speed of rage.

  He didn't announce himself; she already knew he was there.

  Sure enough, a few minutes later, Toni stopped, and turned to face him. "You have got a lot of nerve," she said coldly. "Showing up here after last time."

  Loki averted his eyes, remembering all too well how he'd snuck out of her bed in the early morning without waking her.

  "Why are you here?"

  "I wanted to see you," Loki replied honestly.

  She scoffed. "Why, pray tell?"

  "I wanted to apologize," he explained. "That was stupid of me and I wanted to explain why I did it."

  **Fun fact** : Toni did not take kindly to betrayal and did not give her trust easily.

  **Conclusion** : Loki was treading on very thin ice and she was seriously considering not hearing him out. He'd have to work harder.

  **Proof** : Toni narrowed her eyes at him. "You _left_ ," she hissed. "I asked you to stay, I was one step from _begging_ , and you agreed. You _lied_ and left without so much of a goodbye. If all you wanted was one night, you could have told me, neither of us would have needed to waste time. Hell, the only reason I didn't get you into bed as soon as I could was because I wanted to try something more."

  "So do I," Loki interjected when she paused to take a breath. "I don't... I should have thought of how much I would hurt you. But please," he beseeched. "Please, Toni, let me explain."

  Toni's shoulders slumped ever so slightly and she began unwrapping the bandages from her hands. "No, I don't care. I got over it two days later. I'd rather you not screw that up."

  "You're lying," Loki sighed. "And you're doing a horrible job of it than you usually do.

  Toni glared daggers at him. "Oh yeah? What am I, Pinocchio?"

  "It's hard to lie to the God of Lies, even if you're capable."

  "Well, thank fuck, you're not an actual god."

  Loki sighed again. "Actually yes, I am." He waved his hand and the punching bag behind Toni exploded into a flurry of red wings.


	4. Names And Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Trusting you is my choice. Proving me right is yours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter, really, so is the next one, I guess?

  "Okay, run that by me again."

  Loki sighed. "Toni, we've been through it twice already," he reasoned. "You're understood everything I told you."

  "But it doesn't... _Compute_!" Toni cried, throwing her arms up. But her eyes were sparkling with glee, a far cry from the angered grief she'd greeted him with. "You're an _alien_! A _prince_! Who can do _magic_! Like, fuck, wow, just _wow_!"

  Loki smiled, enjoying the rare appreciation of his magic. He'd spent the last two hours telling her about himself, about Thor, Asgard, Odin and Frigga, the Warriors Three, Lady Sif. Toni had listened with the rapture of a child. She'd nearly choked up when he'd tell her of the Bifrost. Granted, he hadn't been to explain the advanced technology, but the idea of it had been enough. Although, now he came to think about it, he doubted anyone in the Nine Realms actually knew how the Bifrost worked.

  "So, what, you gods come down to earth randomly every now and then? And hook up with us mortals?" Toni asked curiously, a little teasingly.

  Loki tensed slightly. "Not exactly," he hedged. "I... I had a lover, many years ago, who betrayed my trust. Since then, I've spent much time visiting other realms, to- well..."

  "To fuck it off," Toni supplied, shrewdly.

  Loki avoided her eyes, nodding.

  "Hey." Toni's voice was soft, and he looked at her with some difficulty. "I'm not upset, we've all done something like that at least once in our lives. Just tell me if this-" she waved a hand between them. "Is real and we can forget about it. Tell me if this is something you want, and we'll work for it together."

  Frigga's words of advice echoed in his head and he gazed at her in some awe. "You're not... Discomfited by what I am?"

  Toni scoffed. "Of course, not. You're extra-terrestrial royalty, not some sort of monster. I'm human. What's the big deal? Except that you're gonna live longer than me, but we can think about that when it becomes a problem. An-"

  Loki swallowed the rest of her words in a kiss, inciting a muffled yelp of surprise. When he pulled away, she looked slightly dazed and he smirked.

  "What was that for?" She asked, with a shy laugh.

  ' _I love you_ ,' Loki didn't say. "Just felt like it," he smiled at her instead and pulled her into a deeper kiss.

 

* * *

 

  He traced a hand over her skin, feeling the long scar that ran over her left shoulder down to the top of her left breast. "What happened here?" He wondered.

  Toni opened one eye to look at him. "Got kidnapped when I was seven," she mumbled. "One of them for a bit too handsy with the knife when he was threatening me to stay quiet. I was important enough that they bandaged me up pretty well. Turing only knows how they managed, 'cause I remember it being a pretty deep cut."

  Loki scowled. He dragged his finger down to the small discoloured patch of skin a little above her navel. She shivered under his touch, burrowing deeper into his chest.

  "Bullet wound," she said, anticipating his query. "There was a shooting at one of Obie's press conferences that I had to attend. I got hit. I was seventeen."

  "How'd you survive that?" Loki wondered. "You should have died of blood loss and shock itself, if I'm not wrong."

  "You'd be surprised at how much it helps to be a genius," Toni replied. "That being said, I actually did die. They lost me on the table twice before I stabilised."

  Loki stared at her in some wariness. He could tell just from the scars on her upper arms and the large, faded burn marks on her side that she'd suffered from several injuries throughout her life. Then there was another long scar at the back of her head, hidden by her hair, indicating another life-threatening wound.

  And yet, here she was, alive and breathing and in his arms.

  ' _The Angel of Death_ ', Heimdall had said she was called. But Loki had done his research. That nickname only came about because of her brutally efficient weapons that were used by her country in war, and her cutting personality and skill in business that nobody expected from a woman. That was all there was to it, surely. It couldn't have anything to do with Death herself.

  But to defy demise as many as two- maybe three- times?

  "What are you thinking?"

  Loki blinked, focusing on Toni again. He rolled on top of her, capturing her lips for the millionth time, careful not to hurt her with his superior strength.

  "You taste of magic," he mused aloud.

  "Well." Her breath hitched as she wrapped an arm around his neck to hold him in place. "Can't say anyone's said that to me before."

  Loki kissed her skin, moving slowly down over her bosom, her stomach, to her waist, before biting at the cut of her hip, immediately soothing the sting with his tongue. "Well, it's true," he murmured, torn between telling her the truth and wanting to avoid complications.

  He sighed, then rolled back to lay on his side. "There's something you should know," he admitted, feeling inquisitive eyes on him.

  "Oh sweet Tesla," Toni groaned playfully. "What else?"

  Loki gave a hesitant smile. "You have traces of seidr on you."

  "Seyder?"

  "Seidr. Magic," Loki confirmed. "You taste of magic. Your lips, your skin, your release. But I can find no proof of magical prowess, or a spell, or curse on you."

  Toni stared in disbelief and confusion. "You're saying," she started, then paused. "Wait, no. You're telling me I'm some kind of wizard alien?"

  "Mage. Or sorceress. Please don't say ' _wizard_ '," Loki grumbled. "And no, you don't seem to have any proclivity towards magic. I would have noticed."

  "So..." Toni trailed off with a small frown. "If I'm not a wiza- _sorcerer_ , and I'm not cursed or under a spell, then why do I taste of magic? How can you even know what magic tastes like?"

  "Every mage carries the flavour, only those skilled in the arts can detect it," Loki explained it. "The more powerful you are, the more potent the mark. My mother is the most powerful mage in all Nine Realms, I'm second. If we don't mask ourselves, any other mage would sense us coming miles away. Magic always has a trace." He paused, a thought occurring. "Actually, my mother might have some answers about you. Until she says it's something to worry about, you can rest assured."

  "Sure," Toni hummed. After a few seconds of silence, she shot upright and gaped down at him. "Woah, woah, woah, WOAH, wait! You're going to tell your mom about me?!"

  "Oh, no, she already knows about you," Loki assured her with a smirk. "As does my father, my brother, the Gatekeeper, and four of mine and Thor's closest friends."

  There was a long silence in which Toni stayed frozen with horror etched into her face. Loki, still smirking, reached up to gently pat her back in mock comfort. She let out a dramatic groan and flopped back down on the pillows, pulling up the covers to hide her face.

  "Meeting the parents," she whimpered. "Why does that terrify me more than anything?"

  Loki laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question: should this be a Thor/Toni/Loki relationship, or just Loki/Toni?


	5. Ti Amo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'One day you will kiss someone you can't breathe without and find that breath is of little consequence.'_

  Loki jogged up the last few feet to the door of the mansion. As soon as he stepped in, JARVIS' voice stopped him. “ _Sir, if you would please wait for some time. I’m afraid Miss Stark is a bit busy at the moment in her office **.**_ ”

  “Of course, JARVIS,” Loki nodded. “I'll just wait outside, then.”

  He sat on the long couch. He didn't really plan on eavesdropping, but his enhanced senses picked up conversation very easily.

  “Look, I totally get why you're worried, but it's a military project for god’s sake, they're not going to lock me up unless I spill any secrets.” _Odd_ , Loki thought. That was a man's voice, one he couldn't place.

  “It's not just Ross' involvement that bothers me, Bruce.” _Ah, that's Toni's voice_. “It's the project itself. The super soldier serum is a risky business, with only two human experiments, one of which turned out to be the head honcho of Hydra. There's no telling what might go wrong.”

  “I agree with Toni.” _That’s another man, also unfamiliar_. “Human biology can only be tampered with to an extent. Trying to recreate a Captain America? You might accidentally recreate a Red Skull instead.”

  “Look, I've already given you my reasons for doing this,” the first male said. “You'll be keeping an eye on the project anyway, won't you?”

  “As often as possible,” Toni agreed.

  “Yeah, well, try to be discreet, would you? General Ross already hates you, I’d like to not see you arrested.”

  “You underestimate my subtlety, Brucie bear.”

  “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Et tu, Stephen?”

  The voices grew closer and Loki opened his eyes to watch Toni falter in her steps when she saw him. “Hello, love,” he greeted. He took her companions in: both men, one fairly tall, with an arrogant face but kind eyes, the other shorter, with a mess of hair and wired spectacles.

  “Loki, hi,” she greeted, jolting out of her surprise. “Uh, these are my friends, Dr Robert Banner and Dr Stephen Strange. Guys, this is-“

  “New boyfriend?” Robert questioned, with a smirk that contrasted his timid countenance.

  “Yes, if you must know,” Toni replied and Loki was pleasantly surprised to see her blush.

  “So, this is the one you'd been pining after?” Stephen asked, mirroring Robert’s mischief.

  Loki chuckled as Toni blushed even more. “Get out, both of you,” she snapped, pushing them both towards the door. “Why am I even friends with you two?” She grumbled.

  “Because you love us?” Stephen suggested as Robert gave him a friendly wave. Toni slammed the door shut.

  “Pretend that didn't happen?” She queried, walking over to join him. He pulled her onto his lap instead.

  “If you'd like,” he smiled. “Old friends of yours?”

  “Yeah, Bruce and I met at MIT. We kept in touch, then a couple years after he graduated, we attended a conference together and met Stephen. We've all been friends since then,” she explained.

  Loki hummed as he slipped a hand under her top, making her shudder a bit as she leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. He tamped down on the slight insecurity he felt; of course, Toni had had a life before they'd met. No point in asking whether either of them had ever been her lover before.

  “Were you ever romantically involved with either of them?” he mumbled into her neck. Damn his curiosity and masochism.

  Toni jerked back. “ _Romantically involved_?” she repeated with amusement. “You mean, did I date them?”

  Loki rolled his eyes. “Your language is atrocious, but yes, that's what I'm asking.”

  “No, your language is Shakespearean,” she countered. “And, yes, Stephen and I did date for around a year. We decided we were better off being friends. Not to mention, poor Bruce felt the need for brain bleach a couple times.”

  Loki pursed his lips, but didn't say anything.

  Unfortunately, he must have been more transparent than he realized, because Toni frowned. “Hold on, are you... Jealous?” She asked, incredulous. “Why are you jealous?”

  Loki shot her a look. “Why shouldn’t I be?” he tested. “You have history with them, they've known you in ways I never will, and they're not exactly bad-looking.”

  Toni shook her head in wonder. “Amazing,” she muttered. “I have history with them, but you're the one I want, Loki. I'm with you, aren't I?”

  “... Yes,” he admitted.

  She kissed him quickly. “Then stop being silly. That ship has long since sailed. You're my here and now.”

  He couldn't help the smile on his face at that. “As you are for me,” he promised.

  They stayed like that for long minutes, with Toni curled into his chest, talking about nothing and occasionally sharing kisses. Then Toni said, “Okay, hey, so, remember what I said about my Aunt Peggy teaching me how to fight several ways?”

  “Yes,” he nodded. “You're proficient for a human.”

  “Thanks. And you remember telling me you’re good with knives, like, the best at them?”

  “Yes,” he said again, slower, having an inkling of where she was going with this.

  “So, I was wondering,” she hedged, dragging a finger down his chest with a half-shy smile. “Could you teach me?”

 

* * *

 

  "Parry. Instep. Slash, then stab. Stab. STAB. Step back, back, back or I’ll cut you. Feint. Parry. Parry, PARRY. Toni, focus!”

  He landed a kick to her knees and she crumpled to the ground, wincing slightly and breathing hard. He knelt beside her. “Hurt?” he asked, setting the blades aside and inspecting the cuts he’d placed over her forearms. He’d been careful to keep them superficial. He hated hurting her, but if she was going to learn, she needed to know what the pain felt like, so she’d be ready to face it if, norns forbid, she ever got into a knife fight.

  “No, I'm fine,” she protested. “I've got high pain tolerance.”

  He hummed in agreement, as he speeded up the scabbing of the cuts. “You're doing quite well. You're a fast learner.”

  “Well, I've got a great teacher,” she replied with a coy smile.

  Loki smiled back, before leaning back on his palms. “You should know,” he informed her, already looking forward to her reaction. “My mother has expressed an interest in meeting you.”

  Sure enough, Toni face turned white. “What?! Why?” She croaked.

  Loki shrugged delicately. “What’s that term you had used?” he mused. “’ _We’re dating_ '. That's why she wants to see you. Along with checking for traces of seidr on you.”

  Toni stayed quiet for a time. “What if she doesn’t like me?” She wondered. “I'm not exactly a shining example of the kind of person anyone would want their child to date. Volatile. Self-obsessed. Egotistical. The list goes on.”

  Loki was... More than a little surprised to hear that. There was a darkness in her voice that indicated she seriously thought those things about herself. They weren’t true. Well... Not entirely true.

  “You're not volatile, you’re just... A little unpredictable,” he said gently. “And that’s good. Why would I want to spend my time with someone who’s every action I can predict? I never know what you’re thinking, or how’re you’re going to react to something, and that’s half the reason I enjoy being with you, so much. You're hardly self-obsessed, you’re one of the most caring people, I know, and I’ve known a lot of them. As for your ego,” he rolled his eyes and flicked her forehead, startling her. “I’d say you've earned it. You're not cruel in any way, or even downgrading to other people, but pride in yourself is perfectly acceptable.”

  Toni gave a small sigh. “What the hell did I do to deserve you?” she muttered. “And where the fuck have you been all my life?”

  “Searching for you,” he answered easily. “I just never knew who you were supposed to be.”

 

* * *

 

  He gestured to his mother to wait, as JARVIS seemed to not be available, and was about to go find Toni himself, when the woman in question strode in, a notebook in one hand and pen in the other, while a cell phone was balanced carefully between her ear as shoulder.

  “Like hell!” she snapped. “Biochemical weapons is absolutely not something we’ll be going into.”

  Her face lit up when she spotted him, so accustomed to his sudden appearances that she didn't even startle, then froze in shock when she realized he wasn't alone. “What do you fucking mean ' _why_ ’?” She cried, then gave an apologetic look to both of them, all the while doodling something into her notebook.

  _Just a minute_ , she mouthed and Loki smiled reassuringly. Beside him, he knew his mother was watching with intrigue.

  “Schedule a meeting then,” Toni ordered frostily. “As long as it's my name on the company, we’re not going to advocate biochemical warfare. They wanna argue, they can do it to my fucking face.”

  She tucked the notebook into her jeans, the pen behind her ear and the phone into her jacket, before turning to them with a confident smile.  
“Hey, Lokes,”she greeted with a wave. “JARVIS is offline for a few upgrades, so he couldn’t welcome you.”

  “Hello, love,” he waved back, wondering how long it would take for her confident facade to break. He gave it twenty minutes. “I guessed as much.”

  She turned to his mother then. Hesitating for only a brief second, she inclined her head respectfully, not a bow, but close. “All-Mother,” she murmured, recalling the titbits of knowledge he’d given her.

  “Please, dear, just Frigga,” his mother admonished in good nature. “We’re not on Asgard, and from what Loki tells me, you're a queen in your own right.”

  Her eyes widened, and she gave a nervous laugh. “Well, thanks, I guess,” she said. “I guess I now know where Loki gets his ability to render me speechless. It's not a common talent.”

  They shared a smile, and Loki realized he'd been wrong. Toni's facade hadn't broken, and it wouldn't. She'd let it go, instead.

  “So, I hear tell you’re interested in the Bifrost?” Frigga questioned, curiously. “Most people wouldn't care to learn any such thing beyond how it's useful to them.”

  It was a test, of sorts, though Loki couldn't tell how.

  “Well, technically, that is why I'm interested,” Toni confessed. “I mean, yeah, the science behind it is fascinating, it's also why I've been studying Loki's magi- seidr. But if I can understand it, maybe I can replicate it too. It would help solve so many problems here on Earth. Fuel, time, pollution...” she trailed off, her eyes taking on a distant look, as she shortly pondered the possibilities.

  Loki could have watched her like that forever, but in the brief seconds Toni was in her own head, Frigga caught his eye and nodded, approval shining through her face. It _had_ been a test, though he still didn't know how, and Toni had passed- again, he didn't know how. A warm feeling grew in his chest and he grinned.

  “Well, I do know a little about it. Much of the knowledge of its construction is lost, but you have questions, you can ask, and I'll try my best to answer,” Frigga offered.

  “Oh I've got questions alright, plenty of them,” Toni agreed, blinking out of her thoughts. “For starters, what in the world is in your genes? Is everyone on Asgard this hot, or just your family?”

  There was a stunned silence as Toni realized what she'd said. “NO! Sorry, I didn't, I didn't mean to say that, absolutely not!” she squeaked in panic. “That's not to say you aren't- I mean, not, you know, you are, really, like so gorgeous. Seriously. No joke!”

  “Thank you, dear,” Frigga said and- _by the Vanir's paradise, is she blushing?_ Loki noted with amusement. Trust Toni to get the one of the most powerful beings in the Nine Realms to blush- and she followed Toni to sit on the couch and talk.

  The next few hours were spent with Toni and Frigga exchanging anecdotes of Loki _(something he tried very hard to derail, but in vain),_ complaining about how so many men seemed to think themselves entitled to a woman’s time, belongings or body, and answering each other’s questions.

  Toni introduced Frigga to coffee, to which the queen immediately turned her own drink into tea. Both women decided to stick to their own beverages in the future.

  Loki watched silently, rarely speaking other than to offer his own opinions on some subjects. He wished for a minute his father and brother could meet this woman too, but Odin rarely left Asgard in his old age and Thor had gone on some sort of expedition with the Warriors Three and Lady Sif.  
The topic of magic wasn’t brought up until it was time to leave.

  “Loki said I... _Tasted_? Of magic?” Toni ventured, unsure and awkward. Frigga nodded, a troubled expression stealing over her face.

  “Yes, that he did,” she murmured. She stepped towards her, bringing her hands up to either side of her face. “If you'll allow me...?”

  “Yeah, go ahead,” Toni muttered, sounding resigned.

  Frigga focused, her eyes closing as Loki watched in trepidation. Gold light trickled from her palms, washing over Toni's face and highlighting her angular features, making the brown of her eyes burn as she watched Frigga with enrapture.

  Then Frigga stepped away, letting her hands drop. “You have traces,” she acquiesced. “But nothing more. It’s just a sort of blessing that’s been passed down to you, probably from centuries ago.”

  If Toni caught the lie, she didn’t say anything. Instead she joked, “Well, that explains a lot,” and stepped back as well.

  “Mother, why don't you wait for me outside?” Loki suggested. “I'll join you shortly.”

  “Try not too take to long, son,” she replied, perfectly straight-faced, but Loki knew he was in for a good bit of teasing later.

  Still, as soon as she was out of the house, Toni practically leaped at him, attaching their lips together before he could do more than wrap his arms around her.

  “Alright, alright,” he huffed, trying to speak in between kisses. “My mother is still outside!”

  “She already knows we’ve done the dirty,” she reminded him, leaning back a bit. “Can't get worse than that.”

  “You forget, I'm the one who has to suffer the teasing at home,” he reasoned.

  She pouted. “Fine,” she sniffed. “Your mom’s cool, by the way.”

  “You seemed oddly nervous,” he mused. “You're not usually that transparent.”

  She bit her lips shyly. “Well, yeah, she’s your mom. I didn’t want to pretend to her.”

  The warmth from before bloomed in his chest again and he smiled giddily as he pecked her nose, before untangling himself from her. With a promise to see her soon, he joined his mother outside and waited for the Bifrost.

  “What did you see?” He asked of her instantly.

  Frigga looked unsure, a rare occurrence for the All-Mother. “It's an old magic,” she murmured. “A form of blessing, or a curse, I can't tell.”

  “How can you not tell?” Loki questioned, incredulously.

  “There are some energies as old as the universe itself,” she intoned. “And some even older, timeless in their existence.”

  “And you're telling me,” Loki spoke slowly. “That the woman I love, a mortal, might I add, is potentially more powerful than the most proficient mage in all Nine Realms?”

  “Potentially,” she agreed. “Her mortal form isn’t capable of welding such raw power, it would kill her if she tried. But to an extent, she has the ability to wreak havoc on Yggdrassil, perhaps if she is prudent enough to use a medium to channel the magic. It already shows in some way. I could sense the lingering taints of many a wound. Life-threatening ones, at that.”

  “Should I tell her?” Loki asked, trying to process it himself.

  “I don’t think that would be wise, just yet.”

  The Bifrost opened and after a few seconds, they were both standing in front of Heimdall, who greeted them with his usual stoic self.

  Frigga turned to him with a sudden smirk, a mirror of his own. “So....' _Done the dirty_ ', was that how she put it?”

  “Oh Norns, no,” Loki screeched, as elegantly as one could make such a sound. “No, we are not having this conversation!”

 

* * *

 

  It was a state of despair that Toni found Loki in, lying face down on her bed, breathing in her scent from the pillows in an effort to calm himself. 

  “They're making Thor king,” he mumbled into the soft cotton, as an explanation. Beside him, he could feel Toni still. She knew what this meant. Along with stories of the Realms and of Yggdrassil, he’d also told her his own tales, his complaints, his _grief and sorrows_. He'd been more honest with her than with anyone except his own mother and he knew that if she could have knocked some sense into _Odin All-Father_ , she would have.

  “Hey,” she said softly. He heard her crawling into the space next to him to poke at the little of his face that wasn’t hidden from her. “Talk to me, Magic-Man, it's just me.”

  He rolled onto his side to look at her, not bothering to hide his emotions. “We’re both of age. Father is weary, and feels it's time to relinquish the throne. And... He... He thinks-“ he cut himself off with a frustrated growl. “Thor isn't _ready_. If _I_ can see that, why can't _they_? I'm not even asking to be king, no matter how much I want it, I know it's Thor’s birth right as the eldest. But _not yet._ He's entirely too brash, too impulsive, too reckless. He never _thinks_.” He glared at the wall behind her. “They all claim to want the good of Asgard, and then they go and make that mindless oaf king.”

  “Okay, hey, Loki?”

  He focused on her again.

  “Just because he’s not ready now, doesn’t mean he can’t learn,” she said quietly. “I was twenty one when I took over the company, and even though I’d been prepped for it since the day I was born, it still took me two years to really do some good. Some things are meant to be learnt on the fly.”

  “What if he never learns?” He asked, his voice breaking as he tries not to imagine the consequences.

  “That's not gonna happen,” Toni shook her head. “He’s got you as a brother, and if he’s king, then that makes you...?”

  “Chief advisor,” he supplied.

  “Right. So you’re gonna be by his side the whole time. And,” she pointed a finger at him with a small grin. “Knowing you, you'll never let him go off-track if you can help it.”

  “He doesn't always listen to me,” he said, thinking back to all the times when he’d had to talk themselves out of trouble because Thor wouldn't take a second to just _listen_.

  “Even better,” Toni stressed. “Once he's king, his actions will have much farther consequences. If he doesn’t listen to you, and then the fallout happens, he’ll have learnt his lesson.”

  Loki took a deep breath and pulled her down for a kiss, one hand curled around the back of her neck. “Have I told you how much I love you?” he whispered.

  Toni jerked away, her eyes widening. “Uh, no? No, you kinda forgot to mention that?”

  He hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I do. I love you.” He held her gaze as he told her the truth he’d been carrying around for almost a year and a half. “I love you,” he repeated.

  She opened her mouth to reply. JARVIS chose that moment to intervene. “ _Excuse the interruption, Ma'am_ ,” the voice said and Toni dropped her head in his chest in irritation. “ _But there's a call for you_.”

  “Put it on fucking hold, J,” Toni groaned. “I'm busy.”

  “ _Ma'am, it's from a public telephone, but voice recognition suggests it may be Dr Banner **.**_ ”

  At the name of her friend, she shot upright, worry evident in the line of her shoulders. “What's wrong? Did something happen? Is it Ross? Is he okay?”

  “ _I suggest you take the call, Ma'am, he seemed distressed_.”

  “Answer it. Put it in loudspeaker.”

  There was a click and then, “ _Toni_?” in a shaking voice.

  “Bruce?” Toni called tentatively. “Everything alright, buddy?”

  There was a shuddering breath on the other side, making both of them frown in concern. “ _No_ ,” was the answer. “ _No, no, Toni, I need you to come get me. Please.”_

  “Okay, hey, calm down first, tell me what’s wrong, so I can help you.”

  “ _Have you been seeing the news_?”

  “Not in a while, no,” Toni said slowly. “Bruce, I don’t-“

  “ _Don't! Don't check the news or the internet_!” the man pleaded. “ _I'll explain everything myself, just come get me, Toni, please_.”

  “Okay, I'll be there, I'll get Stephen too, just tell me where you are?” Toni said, in a soothing voice. Loki rubbed his thumb along her wrist, trying to offer comfort.

  “ _Oklahoma City, I think?_ ”

  “Okay, sit tight, sweetheart, don't move, I'll find you.”

  The call ended and Toni bit her lips, giving him an apologetic look. “I'm sorry-“

  “No,” he cut her off. “He's your friend and he needs you. Go. I have to leave myself.”

  She sighed. “Jarvis, check if Stephen’s in surgery. If not, tell him to meet me at the airfield.” They left the bed at the same time. “When will you be back?” She wondered, looking at him.

  “Two months at most,” he sighed. “There are a dozen unnecessary formalities before the actual coronation.”

  She nodded. “I'll see you then, I guess.” She leaned up to kiss him, sharp and sweet in farewell. “I love you too.”


	6. Betrayed and Lied To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"It's not love if it's never hurt."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost finished with the Thor arc.

  Loki wasn’t sure when the shaking started. But by the time he reached Toni’s bedroom, it felt like every inch of his body was trembling. Hatred and desperation battling within him, he opened the door, trying in vain to ignore the voice in his head that was telling him to leave, _she won't want to even look at you anymore, you're a monster, you don't deserve this._

  He’d needed to get away from Asgard for a short while, before taking on the duties of a king. Fath- _Odin_ was asleep, with no guarantee of waking up. He couldn’t bear to quite look at _Frigga_ either. Thor wasn’t there. This was the only place he could think of.

  Toni was in the shower. She was singing, a rare occurrence, and the sound of running water was loud in his ears. He pressed a palm against the door. Two months ago, he would have joined her without hesitation, kissing her senseless against the cold tiles and making her shiver under the hot steam.

  Now?

  An overwhelming panic rose up in his chest and up to his throat. A choked-off scream escaped him and he stumbled away, collapsing onto the bed. Loud yells filled his head, the memory of yelling at Odin until he passed out, and his hands felt cold, cold like the frosty Jotun he’d stabbed, _cold like the Cradle_ , and there was something pricking in his eyes and _why couldn't he hear Toni singing-_

  “Loki, snap out of it. Come on, love, for me, please, you’re scaring me. Loki? Can you hear me? Say something. JARVIS, give me his vitals, he’s not responding, something’s-“

  “ _GET AWAY FROM ME!_ ”

  Loki's eyes shot open and only when Toni stepped away did he realize her hands had been cradling his face.

  She looked scared, he realised. Her eyes were wide open in fear and confusion and it confirmed his thoughts.

  “I'm sorry,” he whispered, horrified. “I shouldn’t have come, I'm so sorry. I didn't know where else to go.”

  “Hey, no, don't apologize,” Toni protested. She looked like she was going to come close again, but he flinched, and she froze. “I think that was a panic attack,” she said quietly. “I've seen it before with Rhodey. I can usually calm him by just rambling. That doesn’t work with you, apparently.”

  He breathed out. “I should go,” he mumbled, avoiding her eyes.

  This time, she did step towards him, ignoring his second flinch and reaching out with a finger to stroke his jaw. Despite himself, he couldn’t help but lean into the gentle touch. “What's wrong?”

  He shook his head with a whimper, wishing he could feel anything more than shame and disgust.

  “Loki,” she repeated, even more softly. She knelt in front of the bed, keeping one hand on his knee, the other still at his face. “Tell me what's wrong.”

  “I'm a monster,” was what he finally said.

  Toni stilled, but he went on. “I'm a Frost Giant. The most vile race to ever exist, cruel and merciless and I'm one of them. And I'm not my father’s child!” He cried out harshly.

  In an instant, there was a pair of arms around him and try as he might, Loki couldn't bring himself to wrench himself away from the hold. So instead, he decided to be selfish. He let himself be pulled under the sheets, Toni's wet hair soaking his clothes, and his tears wetting her towel-clad body in turn. And bit by bit, broken sob by broken sob, the story came out. He poured everything out: the failed ambush, Thor's rage, the trip to Jotunheim. His discovery. Odin's confessions. All of it.

  At the end of it, he felt exhausted, drained. He fell quiet and waited for the final rejection.

  “You're not a monster.”

  Loki blinked. “What?”

  Toni shifted away and looked him straight in the eyes. “You,” she spoke firmly. “Are not. A. Monster.”

  He shook his head with a sigh. “Toni, you don't understand-“

  “No, hear to me out,” she insisted. “I've met monsters. People who mock others and push them down, who torture anyone who doesn’t agree with them, or kill the ones who aren’t aa strong as them. Those are monsters. You’re not a monster.”

  “How?” He asked pleadingly. It didn’t seem possible, what she was saying, but he wanted to believe it.

  “You're kind,” she said with a small smile. “You're a good man. You love deeply and you care so much it’s ridiculous. You think your brother is the most foolish god there ever was, but you’d stab anyone else who said the same. You take pride in being like your mother and you look up to your father for everything. You love _me_. And, in your own words, you’d pack me up in a magic bubble wrap to keep me safe if you didn’t think I’d find a way out anyway.” She paused to take a breath. “I know you don't believe me,” she told him. “And I know it's going to take time for you to be remotely okay with this. But I'm here for that. While you're off being king, your mother is right there. And when Odin wakes up, so will he. Even if Thor’s his favourite, on account of which I guarantee he’ll bring your brother back, he _is_ your father and he loves you.”

  Loki took a minute to try and let the words sink in. It made sense, everything Toni said, so why couldn't he believe it?

  “I don't know how to forgive them,” he confessed. “They've lied to me my whole life, how can I possibly forget that?”

  “You can't forget it,” she said. “And I'm not telling you to. But forgetting has nothing to do with forgiving.”

  “Did they ever even love me?” he wondered. “Why would they bother with a lie if they did?”

  Toni stayed quiet for a time. “Wanna hear a story?” She asked after a minute.

  Loki looked at her in confusion, but nodded.

  “Around six years ago, a couple weeks after Stephen and I called it quits,” she started. “I realized I was pregnant.”

  He felt his eyes go wide at the casually delivered news and she chuckled wryly.

  “As par for the course, I panicked. I knew neither one of us was ready for a child, not to mention, with both of us leading such high-profile lives, especially me, any child of ours would be subjected to a shit storm of public outcry and scrutiny before being born. For two days, I wasn’t much more than shell-shocked. When I came to my senses, I decided I couldn't put Stephen through that agony. So I made a decision that we should have taken together.”

  “You got rid of the child,” Loki guessed.

  She shook her head. “I went into hiding as soon as I started to show. Almost six months. I didn't tell Stephen, or Bruce. The only ones who knew were Obidiah, Rhodey and Pepper, and they still don't know who the father is. After the baby was born, I....” she sighed. “I put him up for closed adoption. Didn’t even hold him once, because I knew if I did... I wouldn’t be able to let go. And if I didn’t know where he went, I wouldn’t be tempted to go to him.”

  “One of the nurses blabbed,” she murmured. “It was all over the papers. Stephen and Bruce both showed up, both worried, both absolutely furious with me. Stephen agreed with my decision, thankfully, but he felt betrayed that I hadn't told him. And...” she swallowed. “He refused to be in the same room with me for three months, you know. Until Bruce locked us in a room together.” She huffed a laugh at the memory, while Loki listened, transfixed.

  “So you see, it's not the same situation, but it kinda is,” she explained. “I didn't tell him, because I knew how much it had hurt me to take that decision and I wanted to protect him from that. And Stephen felt betrayed _because_ we loved each other so much.”

  Loki sighed. “Mother said they never told me because they didn't want me to feel different,” he recalled.

  “My point, exactly,” she agreed.

  Loki hummed, finally feeling some of his internal turmoil abate. He was still waiting for her to push him away, but it seemed to have been delayed for now.

  “You know I have to go back soon,” he said. “Asgard needs a king. I have to find Thor once, tell him what’s happened. I need to make sure the Warriors Three and Lady Sif don't try to bring him back.”

  “Can't you order them not to?”

  He laughed bitterly. “They don't like me nearly as much as they do Thor. They’re likely to come here to try and ' _rescue_ ' him.” He paused, a thought occurring to him. “Will you accept this?” He questioned hesitantly, bringing out his dagger from a pocket dimension. “Just in case. Perhaps as a reminder, should I take too long to return.” He offered her the hilt.

  Toni exhaled once, before taking it with a reverence that warmed his heart. “Won't need a reminder,” she said. “But I'll keep it as a tiny incentive for you to return.” She twisted a bit to place it on her bedside table, then pressed a small kiss to his neck. “How about you sleep for a while, hmm? You look like you need it.”

  He turned towards her again. “Stay with me?” He requested, feeling incredibly vulnerable.

  She smiled and kissed him again. “Of course, I will,” she promised. “Whatever my king wants.”

 

* * *

 

  Loki waited for the sharply dressed man to leave. And as he waited, he watched. Thor looked broken, all the bright bluster gone and in its place regret and sadness.

  He wanted to yell. _'Did you know, too? Did you know and never tell me? Do you know how hard it is for me to tell you the truth now?'_

  He felt conflicted. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said he couldn’t bring Thor home. By tradition, his first command as king couldn’t be to undo the All-Father's last. And if mother’s words were to be believed, father had something planned for Thor.

  The conflict now was how much should he tell him. If he were being honest with himself, he also wanted to punish Thor a little. Because none of this would have happened if the fool had _listened_ to him.

  “Hello brother,” he greeted, as the door closed.

  The golden head shot up. “Loki,” he breathed, a happy smile splitting his face. It disappeared when Loki didn’t return it. “What are you doing here? What's happened?”

  _A small lie, then_ , Loki decided. “Father is dead,” he informed in a soft voice. “Everything was overwhelming him. The attack, the threat from Jotunheim, your banishment. He collapsed and didn’t wake up again.” It was, more or less, the truth.

  Thor’s entire form crumpled with grief. “Can I come home?” The desolation on his face indicated he already knew the answer, and it truly pained Loki to say “No.”

 

* * *

 

  "Who are these guys?” Jane asked.

  “SHIELD,” Erik replied thoughtfully. “A sort of shadow agency. I don't know much about them, except they're not people you want to trifle with.”

  “Why?”

  “A couple months ago, there were reports of a lab accident in some top-secret military base. Almost everyone died. One of the few who survived, a pioneer of gamma radiation, was questioned a lot. Then SHIELD came in, and the guy hasn’t been seen since.”

  “How can they do something like that?” Darcy asked with a frown.

  “I don’t know,” Erik admitted. “But I think I know someone who might. She might be able to help us. Ifshe even remembers me, I mean.”

  “Uh, who?”

  Erik stood up. “Let me make a call.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, is anyone interested in a spin-off about Toni, Bruce and Stephen's friendship throughout the years?


	7. A Test Of Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"You can say_ 'sorry' _a million times, you can say_ 'I love you' _as much as you want. But if you can't prove that the things you say are true, then your words don't mean a thing."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this story is going to remain Frostiron. However, Jane Foster won't be playing a very big role in this, though she is dating Thor.

  Toni hopped into the Acura waiting for her at New Mexico airport. When Professor Selvig had given her a call, barely two hours after Loki had left, she’d been expecting anything but the story of a large, blond man who went around calling himself ‘ _Thor_ ’. It all matched up, too good to be true.

  So, she’d hopped on her plane to the Land Of Enchantment. SI had a small factory outlet there, so she’d called ahead, asking for someone there to arrange a car for her.

  And now, she was driving in the direction of the SHIELD base set up in the middle of nowhere, following directions from Erik’s text.

  The base was easy enough to find.

  “I'm sorry, you’re not permitted to move forward beyond here, Ma'am, you'll have to-“

  The young woman stuttered to a stop, as Toni slid her glares down to stare at her over the rim. “You were saying something, sweetheart?”

  “Miss Stark, um.” She gulped, obviously new to the job and nervous, and Toni took pity on her.

  “Why don't you radio ahead to whoever’s in charge, and let them know, while I drive past you, hmmm?”

  The agent nodded, and backed away from her car, speaking rapidly into her radio.

  Toni drove on, parking it outside a tent.  
Getting in had been even easier.

  “Miss Stark!”

  “Agent Coulson,” she drawled, with a half-smug grin. “Long time, no see. Where’s Birdy?”

  “Absolutely no idea,” he answered coolly. “As for you, you should be in Malibu. Or anywhere not here at least.”

  “Oh, come off it, Agent, you missed me,” Toni said. Getting on SHIELD's nerves was one of her favourite ways to pass time. “Now, the reason I’m here, is that it’s come to my attention that you have... _Confiscated_ ,” she enunciated the word carefully, “All of Dr Foster and Dr Selvig's work.”

  Coulson stiffened slightly. “I assure you, Miss Stark,” he spoke slowly. “It was a matter of extreme importance.”

  “Un-huh." she rolled her eyes. “Well, I’d like you to return them. Right now, in fact.”

  He shook his head. “I’m afraid that's not possible. We've been experiencing extremely suspicious electrical activity from this area. Magnetic radiation, along with odd weather patterns. Dr Foster’s equipment was seized so we could understand what is going on exactly.” His words were stilted. They both knew the only reason he was sharing this much with her was because they needed her, or, more accurately, her funding and tech. Fury would be pissed off at him, if he lost that.

  “I see,” Toni nodded thoughtfully. “You needed to figure out science stuff that is all way above your IQ level. And instead of asking help from a qualified astrophysicist, who happens to be one of the best in her field, you decide to steal her work. Perfect plan, of course.”

  Coulson glowered. “It’s confidential.”

  “You could have come to me, then,” she reminded. “I am your consultant and on-call expert. I could have referred her to you.”

  He didn’t have an answer to that.

  “Now, you’re going to get everything returned to her,” Toni ordered, dropping all niceties. “Then, _after_ you have properly apologized, _ask_ her for help, though I doubt she’d be very willing to now. Second, I believe you have a man held here. About six feet, blond, blue eyes and muscular-as-fuck?”

  Coulson sighed, a long suffering sound that indicated he had no choice but to give her what she wanted. “Yes, though you’re not supposed to know about that. He was found trespassing yesterday evening and then he refused to say a word.”

  “Oh, so you’ve got him locked up? Did you pause to consider that he may have simply wandered here by accident? This was a populated area before you guys turned it into an army base, you know.”

  Coulson met her eyes, suddenly sharp and suspicious. “How do you know him?”

  “An old friend,” she answered easily. “Foreign. We go way back.”

  “Way back how?”

  “Are you saying you want to hear about my sex life, 007?”

  They stared at each other. Coulson's gaze travelled carefully over her form, lingering on the dagger she’d strapped to her thigh, then meeting her own eyes again. It was an impasse. Toni knew something had happened, when Thor had broken in, something drastic. And Coulson didn’t want to tell her. But she claimed to know him, and he knew she was lying. He just didn’t have a way to prove it without telling her why he thought so.

  “He's being held inside,” he finally said. “Ask someone to show you around.”

  She grinned at him and strutted off, ducking inside the makeshift structure. She didn’t get too far, before another figure landed next to her, dropping silently from god knew where. “Stark.”

  “Barton.”

  There was a pause, then they both giggled. “I swear, Toni, you take at least a year off Phil’s life expectancy every time you see him.”

  “I'll take that as a compliment,” she chuckled. “So hey, what did happen with that guy?”

  Clint looked around, sharp eyes checking for eavesdroppers, before cutting back to her. “He’s got crazy skills,” he murmured. “Beat up more than half of our men, all of the ones that Coulson sent for him. Barely broke a sweat doing it. And he did it all to get at the hammer we’ve got chained in. This whole place is built around it. No one’s been able to lift it, and then there comes this guy, making his way straight to it. Phil told me to hold off on taking my shot, until he tried to lift the hammer himself.”

  “Did he?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

  “No. And it seemed to really disappoint him. Whatever he is, I’m telling you, he really believed he could lift it.” He stopped outside a door. “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me who this guy is?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want you to have to lie to your bosses and get in trouble.”

  “Fair enough,” he shrugged easily. “I'm gonna hightail it back to my post before someone spots us together. Good luck, Builder Bob.”

  He disappeared just as swiftly as he’d appeared and Toni was left alone in front of the room. She took a deep breath. According to Loki, Thor had no idea what had transpired on Asgard after being banished. So, if what Toni had said about Odin having something planned for his eldest was true, she was going to have to be very careful with what she told him.

  Taking another breath to steady herself, she pushed open the door.

 

* * *

 

  The door opened. But Thor kept his eyes on the floor. Several hours had passed since Loki’s visit and he still couldn’t get his words out of his head. Father was dead. Gone. And their last words to each other had been screams and insults.

  He had lost everything. He had no wish to see which of those mortals had come to see him now.

  “Snap out of it, buddy,” he became aware of a voice. He looked up, and was met with the sight of a mortal woman kneeling in front of him, deftly untying chains from around his wrists that he could have snapped in half, if he’d had the mind to.

  “I can’t say much right now, until we leave here, we’re being watched all the time,” she was speaking in whispers. “But trust me, I’m... I’m a friend. I’m here to get you out.”

  Thor didn’t answer. His first instinct screamed at him to demand who this woman was, why she was helping him, who had sent her. But then he saw the weapon she carried. A weapon that was very familiar.

  Without a word, he allowed her to guide him outside to a vehicle, waiting outside. She didn't seem to notice as he inconspicuously picked up a notebook from the long tables set up, using a sleight of hand he'd learned from his brother.

  “You know,” the woman started speaking, looking at him carefully, as she began driving away from the camp. “I didn’t expect you to trust me so easily.”

  “You’re carrying my brother’s dagger,” he replied, voice only slightly gravelly from a day of silence. “Loki does not part from his blades lightly. He must obviously trust you a lot, which is a given, considering his love for you. Therefore, I trust you as well.”

  She seemed at a loss for words. “Right, um,” she cleared her throat. “I'm Toni. Stark.”

  “I know,” he nodded. “May I see it?”

  Lady Stark hesitated visibly. He tried not to let his impatience show. After a few seconds, she unhooked the dagger with one hand and passed it to him with reluctance.

  Thor held it reverently. The scabbard was black leather, inlaid with patterns that shimmered in light. He unsheathed it, sighing in nostalgia as the remnants of magic tingled under his fingers. The spell work was intimately familiar, as was the dagger itself: a hilt of black gold, a small emerald at the centre of the double cross-guard, and a ten-inch blade of Asgardian steel, with runes etched into the flat side of it. “This was his favourite dagger,” he mumbled. “It was the first one he’d designed and fashioned after our mother’s own blades. The runes are new, though.”

  “What do they say?”

  “A protection spell,” he explained. “If you use it with intent, he’ll know and will send you aid. Possibly, he himself will arrive to assist.”

  She exhaled heavily, blowing a strand of hair away from her face. “He didn’t tell me that.”

  “Well, he wouldn’t, would he?” He handed it back to her and sighed, tilting his head back against the seat. “How did you find me?”

  “You know Erik Selvig?”

  “Yes, he and his friends, Ladies Jane and Darcy, have helped me get around the last few days.”

  “Right, well, Erik was my professor at MIT- my college, that’s where we study- for around a year. He was the best teacher- the only good teacher- I ever had. We didn’t exactly stay in touch after I graduated, but I suppose he kept track of me. Not that difficult to do,” she muttered the last words. “And I guess I’ve always kept an eye on people I... Care about. So he called me and told me what had happened. He doesn't really believe your story yet- but I knew exactly who you were because, Loki had been with me before coming to you and he told me... Well, everything,” she trailed off awkwardly.

  Thor looked down at his hands sadly. “I guessed as much,” he said. “Loki has always been so open and trusting with whomever he gave his heart to.” He could feel her shooting him a curious glance.

  “So what are you going to do now?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” he admitted reluctantly. “Merely, three days ago, I was a well-loved prince, soon to be king. I courted war. I had all the power I wanted. Perhaps it was too much. Now...” he met her eyes, warm and concerned, too much like his mother for him not to confide in her. “Now, I no longer know who I am. I... I’ve lost everything. My title, my worth. My brother.... Father is... Even my mother doesn’t want me home.”

  For a long time, there was silence between them.

  “I don’t know your dad,” she finally said. “But Loki’s told me a lot about him, and you. And I have met your mother. So, trust me when I say, they love you. I know what it’s like, how it is when your parents don’t love you, when they don’t care. That’s not the case here.” She frowned, like she was trying to gauge her words and he listened intently. “I can’t say how or what exactly, but everything that’s happened to you, everything that’s happening: it’s all a test. Pass it, and you’ll be able to go back home.”

  Thor frowned. “How can you possible know that?” He wondered. “And why wouldn’t he have told me?”

  “I know, because that’s how parents- _real_ parents- are,” she said. There was a faraway look in her eyes, one of reminiscence. “When you’ve disappointed them, they try to test you. They want to know if you can learn from your mistakes, whether you really understand where you went wrong. Anyone can say they’re sorry, but you have to show it.”

  “How can I pass if I don't know what to study?” Thor muttered.

  Lady Stark smiled. “Telling you would have ruined the purpose,” she chided. “We’re here.”

  He looked up to see they had reached Jane and Erik and Darcy’s place. However, neither of them made a move to exit the car.

  “I'm glad he has you,” Thor finally said. “You seem a good person and I've no doubt that you two are perfect for each other. Loki has had his heart broken before, and he needs someone who can accept all of him without lies or deception.”

  She nodded in agreement. “He needs you too,” she told him. “A lot has happened since you were banished. I can't tell you, because it's not really my secret to tell, but when you go back, try to be there for him a little more.”

  Thor inclined his head in a promise, though he was curious to know what she meant. Before he could ask, she went on: “Come on, they're waiting for us.”

  She hopped out of the car, and he followed her, walking forward to greet the welcoming trio.

  “You’re back!” Jane exclaimed, running up to him. “You're alright then?”

  “Holy shit, you’re Toni Stark!” Darcy cried in glee. “Erik, you never told us you knew Toni Stark!”

  Erik ignored the young lady, smiling instead at Lady Stark. “It's good to see you, Toni.”

  “You too, professor,” she grinned back, before turning to Darcy. “Erik was my teacher at MIT for a year. Best professor ever.”

  “And you were my one of my best students,” he agreed.

  “Dr Stark,” Jane held out a hand. “It's quite the pleasure to meet you.”

  “Pleasure’s mine, Dr Foster.”

  As they made conversation for a few minutes, Thor watched Lady Stark. He could see why his brother had grown so fond of her so quickly. They had similar spirits. He could see it in the easy way she discussed separate things with all three of them, so reminiscent of the way Loki flattered and negotiated with emissaries and councilmen. She had the same mischievous quirk to her lips, that glint in her eyes that indicated she knew more than she let on.

  She was so much like his brother, that it actually hurt a little to look at her. How had he never realized how much his brother meant to him? Surely, he’d never missed him so acutely when they’d been separated for hunting parties or voyages or quests.

  “Thor?”

  He started. Erik and the ladies had disappeared into the trailer, leaving him and Lady Stark out in the evening air.

  “I have to go back to New York,” she said. “If you want, you can stay with me. However long you might need. Or, I can have a place set up for you. It won't be the royal palaces,” she winked cheekily at him. “But it'll be comfortable. Just tell me what you need.”

  He thought it over. It wasn’t a tempting offer, not when he felt like bilgesnipe scum for all his mistakes and deeds. And in any case, he’d already begun to think dearly of Jane, Darcy and Erik.

  “I'm touched by your kindness, milady,” he said softly. “But I'll decline your offer. I’d rather stay here.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, I thought you'd say that. And please, it’s just Toni.” She brought out a small quill-like object, with a rather unique nib and grabbed his hand. Bemused, he watched her scribble in some figures in blue ink. “That's my number,” she said. “Erik will explain phones to you. If you need anything, anything at all, you can call me, okay?”

  Thor nodded, and gently reversed her hold, so he was the one holding her hand instead. “Thank you, Toni,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. He watched with wry amusement as her eyes grew wide in surprise and pleasure, the same way Jane’s had.

  “Damn all you Asgardians,” she muttered, fighting a smile, as her cheeks flushed red. “For getting me so flustered so easily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some weeks after this, the Warriors Three and Lady Sif come to Earth. Then the fight with the Destroyer happens. I still believe that, in canon, Loki knew very well that Thor wouldn't actually die. That was never his goal. He just wanted to teach him a lesson, and he wanted him away from Asgard, until he could win Odin's approval. Same thing, here. And Loki only thought of his plan after assuming the king's place, so he hadn't talked about it with Toni, and hence she couldn't talk sense into him.


	8. Painful Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You can torture me, chain me, you can break my body. But you will never imprison my mind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slightly confusing chapter. It shows two situations together. However they are not taking place at the same time.
> 
> The narrative focusing on Loki spans from the end of Thor to the beginning of the Avengers, almost a four year gap, whatever happened to him between that time.
> 
> The narrative focusing on Toni is the beginning of the Iron Man arc, just a year after the end of the last chapter.
> 
> Sorry if it gets a little confusing there.
> 
> Also, none of Toni's people know the truth about Loki. They actually think he's a businessman from Norwegia.

  “Wait, Toni!” Pepper dashed after her, mind made up with a sudden dash of courage. “There's something else.”  


  “Yeah?” Toni asked, curious as to what Pepper would need to talk about so urgently when she’d been hassling her about leaving for Afghanistan a few seconds ago.  


  Pepper swallowed, hesitating. “It’s about...” She braced herself. “It’s about Loki.”  


  Like a switch flipped, Toni stiffened. “What about him?” She asked.  


  “Toni, it’s been almost a year,” Pepper said. “It's been months since he left for Norwegia, and he still hasn’t come back, or called, or anything. I think it’s time you forget about him.” She tried her best to keep her voice as gentle as she could, but the way Toni flinched made her feel horribly cruel.  


  “What do you suggest I do, Pep?” She demanded. “Drink myself into oblivion? Fuck the first attractive person I find? Throw myself into work? News flash, Potts, I’ve done all of that, and it’s worked, okay? I’m good, I’m over him.”  


  Pepper waited quietly, ignoring the lie as Toni collected herself, having shocked herself by her own outburst. It wasn’t usual for her to just blurt her thoughts out like that.  


  “I'm just worried about you, Toni,” she said softly. “I know how much you... I know you _loved_ him. And I can’t think of any reason he’d stay away, except maybe he just didn’t... It isn’t _healthy_ for you to be stuck on one person like this, Toni.”  


  Toni closed her eyes. “I'm in a bit of a hurry, Miss Potts, as you were so kind to remind me a while ago,” she said, her voice tight but pleasant.   


  “Of course, Miss Stark,” Pepper sighed, her heart clenching for the obviously heartbroken woman walking away from her.

  


* * *

  


  “NO!” Loki screamed.  


  Thor ignored him, breathing fast as he brought Mjolnir down on the rainbow planes of the Bifrost with all his might.  


  “Stop, you fool!” Loki yelled again. “You'll never see her again!”  


  “Forgive me, Jane,” Thor mourned. _Forgive me, Toni_ , he added internally. He knew Loki was making the same apology in his own mind.

  


* * *

  


  “Pepper’s worried about you,” Rhodey stated, blunt in his drunkenness.  


  Toni groaned, tearing her eyes away from the dancing air hostesses. “What, you're taking her side? You think I'm ' _holding on to his memory_ ’?”  


  “Yes, I agree with her, and yes, I think you're actually heartbroken,” he said with a nod.  


  She scowled, hating that he was right.   


  A few days after she'd left Thor in New Mexico, all those months ago, there had been news of a large automaton attacking the small town. With no clear clue as to what had happened, she'd flown back and gotten the story from Jane Foster, thus learning that the Warriors Three and Lady Sif had arrived to talk to Thor _(just as Loki had predicted)_ , the Destroyer, as they’d referred to the automaton, had apparently been sent by Loki _(what had he been thinking, what had he planned?)_ , and when Thor offered his own life in exchange for calling off the Destroyer, he'd gotten his hammer and his powers back, deemed worthy by Odin’s spell. Then he'd defeated the Destroyer and left for Asgard.  


  That was the last anyone had heard from Asgard. Only a few select agents of SHIELD, Jane, Darcy, Professor Selvig and Toni herself knew the full truth of what had happened.  


  Toni had waited. She'd waited for Loki to return, or for Thor, at the very least, to contact her in some way. The two-month mark had passed, but she'd kept her faith for three more. When half a year had gone by, _to the day_ , she'd gotten drunk and for the first time in so long, brought home a man, a handsome stranger with too short hair, and too pale eyes. She'd kept her mouth shut, though, not trusting herself to not say the wrong name.  


  The next one had been a pretty blonde with red highlights, barely two nights later.  


  Christine Everhart, it seemed, had been the last straw for Pepper and Rhodey’s decision to keep mum.  


  “Toni.”  


  Rhodey's gentle voice, slightly slurred, brought her back to the present, and she blinked up at him. The dampness in her eyes surprised her and she wiped it away furiously.  


  “I'm fine,” she insisted. “Go to sleep, honey bear, you don't wanna be hungover in Afghanistan.”  


  He sighed, pulling her into his side and closing his eyes. Toni did the same, but her fingers moved to brush against the dagger she'd never parted with.

  


* * *

  


  “I could have done it, father!” Loki pleaded, fighting to keep a grip on the end of the spear. “I could have done it. For you. For Asgard!”  


  For one blissful second, he thought his words had been heard, that Odin would believe him. But his father looked at him sadly, and shook his head. “No, Loki.”  


  His heart broke at the two words.  


  Calmness washed over him, along with acceptance.  


  “Loki,” Thor gasped, straining with effort. He could read his brother’s intentions on his face. “Don't.”  


  “No,” Odin said softly, realising the same thing. There was nothing either of them could do to stop him.  


  Loki locked eyes with Thor, seeing the unshed tears in those blue eyes he'd grown up with. _Tell mother I'm sorry_ , he thought, not saying the words aloud. _Tell her I love her._  
  Closing his own eyes, he let go of Grugnir, surprisingly at ease with falling endlessly. The coldness of the Void hit him in seconds, freezing his skin and numbing his senses more efficiently than any Jotun. The last thing he heard was Thor’s broken yells, before unconsciousness overtook him.

  


* * *

  


  Hands. Hands all over her body. Over her chest. _Inside_ her chest.   


  Pain. Unbearable, blinding, _pain_. Pain _everywhere_.  


  Darkness. _Too_ dark. No. Wait. Light. No! Too _bright_.  


  Pain. _Pain_. Pain pain pain pain _painpainpain_ -  


  Burning. Cold.  


  _What was happening to her?_  


  Help. Please, help.  


  _Somebody_.  


  Stinging on her skin. Something _sharp_.  


  Rhodey. Where was Rhodey? _Oh god, don't be dead!_ Please. _Rhodey_!  


  More pain. _Knife_?   


  Where was her dagger? Where was _Loki?_   


  Pain. _Pain_. Something cutting. _Slicing_. Mutilating her?  


  Help me. _Please_. Please, _please_ , please, _help me_ , ple-

  


* * *

  


  He fell for an eternity, for the blink of an eye. He didn’t know how long he was unconscious, but he woke up to large hands holding him down, restraining him. There was a dark chuckle as he began to struggle, centuries of training kicking in and propelling him into movement, making him flip over to escape the hold, before rolling twice and coming to a stand.  


  But his body was weak and he stumbled, even as his knives were at the ready.  


  “Peace, young godling,” the deep voice from before said.  


  Loki felt a shudder pass through him. He could sense old magic from this place, vile and dark, similar to Toni’s aura only in its antiquity.  


  “Who's there?” He demanded, voice brimming with a confidence he didn't have. “Show yourself, now.”  


  Another chuckle. Around him, the darkness was fading, his eyes adjusting and finding shapes around him, still not quite distinguishable from the rocky outcrop they seemed to be on. Loki chanced a quick look to the skies and stifled a gasp at the completely unfamiliar stars. _Where the Norns am I?_  


  A large throne of rock grew visible in front of him. Atop it, sat a Titan.  


  _No!_ Loki thought in alarm. _Impossible. The Titans are gone. Dead._  


  The large being smiled down at him, cruel cleverness clear in the expression. “You will serve me, young prince. You will serve me well.”  


  For a few seconds, he wildly tried to think of a way out, a way to talk himself into safety. But then he noticed the gold gauntlet gleaming on one of the Titan's hands. There were six indentations on it, with only of them filled with a small, glowing yellow stone.  


  And a name flashed through his mind, followed closely by horror. “ _Thanos_ ,” he gasped.  


  The Mad Titan's smile grew wider. “You will serve me,” he repeated, and lifted his hand, pointing the gauntlet at him. The Mind Stone glowed and Loki’s head burst into shattering pain.

  


* * *

  


  “Where's my dagger?”   


  Ho Yinsen blinked at her incredulously. She couldn’t blame him. Half an hour ago, he'd finished bringing her up to speed with the shrapnel in her chest, the open heart surgery, how it was a miracle that she had survived because he'd been sure she wouldn't, and their exact current predicament. And the first thing she did after processing all that information was ask after her dagger.  


  “I managed to sneak it into safety for you,” Yinsen replied, digging out the bejewelled weapon from under his makeshift sleep area and handed it to her, carefully manoeuvring in a way that hid it from the cameras. “They would have taken it away otherwise.”  


  “Thank you,” she mumbled, tucking it into the waistband of her pants, where it would be safely hidden.  


  “You were holding on to it quite stubbornly, even in pain,” the man explained with a shrug. “I figured it must be very precious to you.”  


  “It is,” she agreed.  


  “Just don't try to use it,” he advised.  


  Almost as soon as he finished talking, the door burst open, with a small entourage of men, armed with guns. _Her_ guns.  


  After a very brief conversation, Yinsen turned to her, pity and fear clear in his gaze. “They want you to build them a missile. The Jericho.”  


  Toni looked her captor in the eye, feeling the urge to spit in his face. “I refuse,” she said coldly.  


  And with that, the torture started.

  


* * *

  


  His breath came in gasps, blood dripping down his naked back and flames just shy of licking his skin on either side.   


  The heat was making him dizzy and if he'd been in better control of his senses, he'd have wondered how Thanos knew about his Jotun origins. As it was, he couldn't think too clearly.  


  “You still persist?” Thanos mused, watching from his throne with an air of amusement. “All you need to do to stop this torture is pledge your allegiance to me. Why rebel?”  


  “No,” was all Loki could say, groaning and tensing in anticipation of the next attack, in spite of the soreness of his body.  


  Thanos only sighed, as the Mind Stone glowed once more. “Your mind is strong,” he admitted in a murmur. “But I will break it.”  


  What happened next was torture of a different kind. Searing pain stabbed at his eyelids, at his temples, and Loki screamed, his cries strangled as his sensitive seidr tried to fight back the foreign presence worming into his brain, twisting and settling into his conscience. His eyes squeezed shut in a vain effort to relieve the pain, but images began flashing through his mind, random recollections flipping by like pages in a book.  


  “Ah, so you have been to Midgard before,” Thanos said, obviously pleased. “Repeatedly, in fact. Why, I wonder?”  


  The memories slowed down, and Loki was forced to watch them, as the Titan purveyed them for his own purpose.  


  _Toni smiled at him, laughter obvious in her eyes as he struggled to operate the little machine she called_ 'Toaster'.  


_“Don't laugh,” he grumbled._   


  _A giggle escaped her and she pecked his cheeks. “Sorry, babe. You'll get it soon.”_  


  _ **-NO!-**_ he panicked, mentally pushing away both the memory and the Stone.  


  The presence retreated from his mind.  


  “Interesting,” Thanos said, his eyes glittering with the light of the flames. “A mortal woman captured the heart of an Asgardian prince. Then again-“ his voice grew softer, almost reverent. “-Who am I to judge love?”  


  There was a brief silence, in which Loki wondered how much of the stories were true. Did Thanos court Mistress Death? Did he seek to destroy half of all life in an effort to please her?  


  “Your knowledge of Midgard will come in handy,” Thanos stated. “And I will make use of it.”

  


* * *

  


  The water seemed to explode around her, cold rushing in through her skin, a wild roaring in her ears.  


  She struggled, trying both to escape the hold and to dissociate from the experience. She could feel the latter working; her mind was already too far gone from pain to stay in the moment. Everything seemed fuzzy, but then, she was underwater, wasn’t she?  


_“Toni.”_  


  _Green eyes watched her silently, and she walked towards the man. The nearer she got to him, the further the sounds of water seemed to fade, until there was near silence, nothing but the sounds of their own breathing._  


_“Loki,” she whispered._  


  Her chest ached, as a few stray drops of water landed on the car battery, the electricity shooting up the live wires. Her form trembled and _goddammit_ , dying would be easier than this.   
“ _ты построишь нам иерихон,_ ” an angry voice growled into her ear.

  Toni let out a single hysterical bark of laughter, well aware that she was signing her own death warrant. “ _в твоих мечтах_ ,” she breathed out, even as her limbs and lungs screamed in protest.

  _The god smiled at her, reaching out to curl his long fingers around the back of her neck and pulling her toward him. She buried her nose into his jacket, a black leather one he’d exasperatedly let her buy him, and breathed him in._  


_“Stay strong, my love,” he whispered. “Stay strong.”_  


  The sunlight was blinding. She didn't show any relief when Yinsen was brought along with her, but it was comforting to have an ally.  


  “He says they have everything you need to build the missile,” Yinsen translated. She let him, too used to keeping her cards close to her chest to let him know that she could speak more than a dozen languages, including Hindi.  


  “Once you are finished, he will set you free.”  


  Toni allowed herself a grim smile, shaking the man's hand with a painfully tight grip. “No, he won't,” she denied.   


  The doctor nodded. “No, he won't.”  


  _Toni sobbed. She never let herself show so much weakness, but this was her mind palace._   


  _“Don't leave me,” she begged. “Please, please don’t leave me.”_  


  _“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he promised. It was an empty one, because again, this was just her mind palace. But she’d take what she could get and hugged him tighter, hiding in his embrace from the rest of the world._  


  “That's our ticket out of here.”  


  "What is it?"

  “Flatten them out and see.”  


  “Impressive.”  


_“I want to go home,” she admitted, trying to dry her tears._  


  _Loki's hand tightened in assurance. “You will.”_  


  Yinsen's death burned, like nothing else had. Fury and guilt dancing in her veins, she growled, “My turn.”

  


* * *

  


  Loki fought constantly, battling the Mind Stone's influence with as much power as he could spare, all the while trying to maintain the cold composure of a mind warped follower. It was a fine line to walk: not _completely_ brainwashed, but enough to do his Master’s bidding. Still, after nearly four years of constant torture and mind-rape, he had practice.   


  Thanos knew of his continued resistance, though it was really little more than a smidge. _Twelve percent,_ Toni would have said. The Titan was just out of patience and hoped that _almost_ brainwashed would be good enough to get the job done. It didn't help Loki's case that the Stone was now in a crystal, topping a sceptre, which, in turn, was somehow connected to Thanos.  


  “Retrieve the Tesseract, Asgardian,” Thanos ordered. The sceptre glowed and Loki felt a wicked smile appear on his own face. “Bring it to me, and earth is yours to keep.”  


  “With pleasure,” he replied. Internally, he hated the voice that was his own, using words that _weren’t_. He knew the rage and betrayal he felt wasn't entirely his own, but rather amplified by the Stone. But there was nothing he could do except bide his time.  


  So he reached out with the Stone, searching for its sister and prepared to commandeer it into opening a portal on earth.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the Avengers arc begins.
> 
> But before that, I'm going to begin posting the spin-off to this, and catch up to the same point in this story, so it'll probably be a while before I update this one.

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in 2006-7. For the sake of this story, let's say Thor takes place before Iron Man.
> 
>  
> 
> My Tumblr: bad-days-and-beautiful-nights


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